In July or August I had a lot of things going on. I felt anxious and depressed. It may have started with an injury and not being able to skate. Then in late August some insomnia switched it to mania. I started thinking all things were possible, I was going to be a rock star, and that would be easy. I thought of my middle school years as a gold mine of material to write on or record them in facebook/instagram reels. I know that with insomnia spiraling thinking that can escalate to mania and mental illness. I left a message for psychiatrist on a Monday, and he was able to set up a phone session the next evening. My meds were adjusted, and I am getting good quality sleep. For what I have, schizo-affective disorder, sleep is important. So much so it’s better to sleep too much compared to not enough.
I still have a lot of things happening, and a lot of positive energy. Soon I’ll start a screen writing class that I hope to use my novel concept to make a legitimate script. I’ve been taking art classes and getting into art. When I post art on social media I get positive feedback on my work. I know it may take years to do the type of art I want to. My sister, Beth, is a professional artist and I know it takes time and effort to cultivate a style and esthetic.
Also I do have ideas for writing projects or filming my stories. One person pointed out everyone has stories from middle school. That is true, but mine are over the top. I’m not sure what to include or not to include. But I don’t need to try to search down people from back then to ask for permission or guidance. If I tell those stories I’ll try to be respectful of others by not including names. And that’s all. It doesn’t have to be done today or tomorrow, but when I feel comfortable setting up the tripod and hitting the record button.
That’s the thing with mania, you have all these ideas and feel an urgency to make it happen right away. Nothing comes that easy. If it did I would be a much better skateboarder than I am now, because of how much time I’ve spent doing in.
I do have a plan to work on my projects and produce. And I realize all of these skills take time to cultivate. I also have a game plan of no alcohol, no weed, and soon I’ll quit cigarettes. Cigarettes are the least socially acceptable of these vices, but in the present it affects my mental health the least.
Below is a youtube talk of my middle school jumping heroics. I got the idea of recording my stories by listening to a few friends who I think should record or document their own, but they don’t want to. I decided to record my own stories, and suggest anyone to do the same, with today’s technology it’s easier than ever.
