In July or August, I had a lot of things going on. I felt anxious and depressed. It may have started with an injury and not being able to skate. Then, in late August, some insomnia switched it to mania. I started thinking that all things were possible, I was going to be a rock star, and that would be easy. I thought of my middle school years as a gold mine of material to write about or record on Facebook/Instagram Reels. I know that with insomnia, spiraling thinking can escalate to mania and mental illness. I left a message for the psychiatrist on a Monday, and he was able to set up a phone session the following evening. My psychiatrist adjusted my meds, and I am getting good quality sleep. For what I have, schizo-affective disorder, sleep is essential to such an extent that it’s better to sleep too much than not enough.
I still have a lot of things happening, and a lot of positive energy. Soon, I’ll start a screenwriting class that I hope to use to develop a legitimate script based on my novel concept. I’ve been taking art classes and getting into the art world. When I post art on social media, I get positive feedback on my work. I know it may take years to do the type of art I want to. My sister, Beth, is a professional artist, and I know it takes time and effort to cultivate a style and aesthetic.
Additionally, I have ideas for writing projects and filming my stories. One person pointed out that everyone has stories from middle school. That is true, but mine are over the top. I’m not sure what to include or not to include. However, I don’t need to search for people from the past to ask for permission or guidance. If I tell those stories, I’ll try to be respectful of others by not including names. And that’s all. When I feel comfortable setting up the tripod and hitting the record button, I’ll do more.
That’s the thing with mania: you have all these ideas and feel an urgency to make them happen right away. Nothing comes that easily. If it did, I would be a much better skateboarder than I am now, because of how much time I’ve spent doing it.
I do have a plan to work on my projects and produce. And I realize all of these skills take time to cultivate. I also have a game plan of no alcohol, no weed, and soon I’ll quit cigarettes. Cigarettes are the least socially acceptable of these vices, but in the present, they affect my mental health the least.
Below is a YouTube talk of my middle school jumping heroics. I got the idea of recording my stories by listening to a few friends who I think should record or document their own, but they don’t want to. I decided to record my own stories, and I suggest that anyone do the same. With today’s technology, it’s easier than ever.
