Four months have passed since I was hospitalized for nine days. As I posted before, I called the EMT on myself. The experience in the hospital was much better than in 2016 because I was compliant, and I knew I had a problem. Insomnia triggered it, and this time around, I did not have delusions of grandeur or hallucinations.
There was a disconnect between my former psychiatrist and the hospital staff. I took the new providers because they offered therapy as part of the deal. My old psychiatrist helped me avoid a second stay in the hospital this summer by adjusting my meds to a heavy dose a few days after I was released.
While staying in the hospital, they put me on a mood stabilizer, which I’m now off of, and my meds have been adjusted since then as well. Basically, my new providers focused on the mood variations and think I have bipolar. The meds are similar enough that it may not matter.
However, for my personal history, it might be beneficial to know the difference. My understanding of it is that bipolar people swing from devastating mania to severe depression. And schizoaffective people have a similar attribute and delusional thinking. Until this year, I fit the schizoaffective description.
At the hospital, one of the therapists was surprised at how infrequent my episodes were. I had episodes in 1994, 1995, 1997, 2016, and this year. Maybe schizoaffective is more chronic and more complex to treat.
As I try to write about my experience, I’m not sure which one to identify with. I believe I caught myself in time with the episode in the summer. If I had waited just a few days for insomnia, it might have been worse. And the reason I’ve gotten better is from taking the meds as prescribed. I had one can of beer last weekend, but I don’t drink anymore in general. And I haven’t consumed weed either.
I don’t necessarily think partaking in weed caused this episode. I had four significant stressors happen at once that caused the insomnia. An EMT lady told me that only two full nights of insomnia is enough to get medical attention. Looking back at the other three episodes, I had stressors during each one of those. Weed probably doesn’t help, and I won’t do it for a while. I’m not stating I’ll never do it again. Maybe by the time I retire, they’ll know more about psychosis and weed in general.
For a few months after I got out of the hospital, I did no art, but around mid-October, I started to really get into it. I ordered twelve 8 x 10 canvases, good paint, and brushes. I got one more artwork to do, and then I’ll give twelve art pieces to my family members over Thanksgiving. Art feels like therapy in that I feel better every time I practice it.
If anyone reading this who has not visited my website in some time, I paid to have it revamped. Bluehost and WordPress can be confusing, and I made mistakes when connecting the shop through Printful. It’s working fine now, and I have over 20 art prints set up in the shop tab of my website. I hope they get more traction than my t-shirts.
I’ve been going to therapy weekly, and it’s different from what I imagined. I talked to a friend the other night who was surprised with my personal history I never had therapy. The meds have worked so well, I thought I only needed my psychiatrist.
I saw the doctor this morning and told him I gained 10 pounds recently, and he prescribed a similar med, but one that may curb appetite. I’ll trust that he knows what he’s prescribing. The good thing about the coverage change is that I’m connected to the whole hospital for my care. So if I ever had insomnia again or thought I was on the verge of a relapse, I would go there and they would have my records on file.
One thing I forgot to mention to the doctor is that my skateboarding skills are at an all-time low. I’m not quitting. I want to keep skating, and I hope to get good at it. My novel rewrite means I think about skating all the time. I’ve typed up one-third of it, and I’m confident it’s a significant improvement over my previous attempts.
