August was the last time I posted on this website. The idea of writing once a week fizzled quickly with only five posts to my credit last summer. Last February I had grandiose plans for this website and signed up for three years on Bluehost. You know who uses Bluehost? Companies, businesses, and other people with something serious going on to pay extra for that expensive hosting platform. Personal blogs can be free or much cheaper. I thought about deleting it, but I already paid for it. I might as well try to do something between now and its expiration date.
Currently I’m pitching my novel to agents and publishers. A long time ago a teacher told me that a serious publishing attempt means sending it out to a combination of 100 literary agents and publishers. I have it out to 9 so far, and got rejected by 2. Maybe I should continue to revise until an agent requests to look at it, but I need a break from it. So this is where this blog steps in. Why not write an entry once a week? And try to revise them so people will enjoy them more.
August seems like a long time ago, and since Covid started in March 2020 my perception of time is different. Days seem longer, but the past more blurry. I don’t think I’ve handled the past few years that well, and feel isolated somewhat. I have the feeling everything is put on hold. Everything is a waiting game.
In October I visited my parents in Ohio for 2 weeks. I left to come back on a Saturday and didn’t get back to NYC until that Wednesday. Having a car break down in rural Pennsylvania can take 5 days away from you. And five stressful days. I was cruising along and noticed some of the warning lights turned on. I had to stop anyway so I gassed it. After I gassed it I parked and tried to check the oil. It seemed hot. I asked the gas station clerk if they had a mechanic and she said no, but maybe down the street, but it was a Saturday. I waited, and when I turned it back on the warning lights were off so I got back on the highway. In 20 minutes it shut down.
I called my auto insurance, and there were no mechanics in the radius they provided, but they connected me with a towing service. The highway I was on was super busy and my car was parked on a small shoulder. After putting the blinkers on I mostly stood outside the car. The auto company tried to make me download the app and request it that way. Luckily I got someone on the line, and their referral number. I told that dispatcher that I needed a mechanic by a hotel or some town since I realized I’d have to stay until that Monday to get my car looked out. The dispatcher quoted my $100 and I said fine.
I waited over an hour for that tow, and I’m glad nothing worse happened and that it was daylight. The tow ride was probably 20 minutes but felt longer. Once I had my car in a mechanics lot, I was happy to see that there was a hotel right there. So I booked a room for two nights. I texted some of my friends and found out I was in a college town. I won’t mention which one, since I’m badmouthing the whole region. So I walked around and they had a street of frat and sorority houses. I walked around but realized soon I could not just walk in on a keg party. I’d too old for sure. And walking around some more they all seemed frivolous, and caught up in the little stratosphere of that campus that does not have much in common with everyday life. They were privileged kids and it was easy to see. If the same thing happened to me 25 years ago, I would have crashed those house parties in a second.
On that Sunday I used google maps to find a local skatepark that I could walk to. That was fun, but Pennsylvania is not really pedestrian friendly. Several times I walked on roads without sidewalks where cars went super fast. On that Monday at 8 am I was at the mechanic and they told me they would look at it in the afternoon. I told them my hotel check out was a 11, but they wouldn’t move up the time slot. After one they told me the engine was cooked, it could be sold for scraps, towed, or fixed for 4 grand. I wasn’t sure what to do, I told them I’d send them the title to sell it.
I had the bright idea to take an uber to another town to a rental car place. So I checked out of the hotel with all my stuff. I had a suitcase, several large bags from Khol’s, a backpack, and two skateboards. The uber driver dropped of an uber eats order first. And the drive was on small backroads, and took a while. I got to the other town to a car rental place. They told me they would not have a car to rent until Wednesday. After some more talk I did book a car rental for Wednesday.
I looked and across the street was a hotel, but it was a wide busy street. I walked across the street with all my bags and stuff. They had a room for two nights so I booked it. I notified my work that I would need more time off and the situation. They were really good and supportive during the time. I also talked to my parents and other family. But that Monday through Wednesday was a depressing affair. They built this rural suburbia with no plans for pedestrians. I’d feel very stupid dying by getting hit by a car on my way to get fast food. Wednesday came, and I drove back to NYC only stopping once for gas. To finish up this part of the story i changed my mind and decided to get my car towed. it took over a week for my car to get it back to NYC. A friend and my mechanic here told me that I should get triple AAA because of their towing. I will do that soon. Today I got my car back, and I’m glad. I did not need an engine replacement but numerous things were replaced and fixed. It was pricey but not as bad and an engine replacement.
On a Sunday I got the most recent covid booster. Two days later I felt sick, and an at home test showed positive. And an official rapid test showed positive the next day. I got excused time off of work, but I had more symptoms this time round then when I first had it less than a year ago. I have now tested negative, and seem to be okay. But I’m googling all sorts of scary stuff, that people that get covid more than once are more likely to have serious health concerns later on. So I can only hope that’s not the case with me.
I couldn’t figure out how to make the last image smaller, so I’ll keep it large. I feel those 5 days in rural Pennsylvania followed by the quarantine for covid gave me enough isolation for a while. My mental health persevered but I haven’t felt that alone since my 2016 psychotic episode. The last 2 and 1/2 years of covid I’ve felt alone from living by myself during the whole time. These years have been challenging for everyone living on their own. But the last three weeks it felt like acute isolation for me in addition to the stress and worry of the situation.
I’m going to try to cultivate my friendships and not take them for granted. And accept some people I don’t see anymore. I can’t go back to the barfly days. I’m nearing the point were I’d simply be the sad old man sitting in the corner. I’m keeping my rule to not to go to bars by myself anymore. I should try to regularly see my friends though, and really do things with my time alone. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself I can type up a blog entry. Even with winter coming I should skate when I can, and I can always do jump roping or calisthenics in my apartment.
Lastly I have a good family and need to stay connected with them. But maybe get a rental for that drive to Ohio or at least get my car checked out before the trip.
